The Curse of Woman
by Demonic Reiki
Summary: Ever wonder what all those loose ends in PotC 2 were from? Now you will! The second part of Murasaki Hikari's and my 'If you F Something Up Give it You All' series, but still fun for new readers.


_**If You Fuck Something Up…**_

_**Give it Your All!!!**_

Demonic Reiki &

Murasaki Hikari

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A/N: Okay, we're forced to say this but we'll only say it once! We do not own Pirates of the Caribbean (-sob-) but we do own our personally inserted characters!

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_**Volume II: Curse of Woman**_

_ Pirates of the Caribbean _

"Jack!" Gibbs called out from the deck of the Black Pearl as she parted the waters of the night ocean.

"Yes, mister Gibbs?" Captain Sparrow acknowledged, glancing at his compass and making a fractional change of direction.

"The crew," Gibbs began, mounting the steps to approach the wheel, "wants a heading!"

"What are you talking about, I already gave them one," Jack replied in a slight slur, only half interested as he re-corrected that turn of the wheel. He smelled of both the sea and ale that night.

"Well, to be perfectly frank Captain," Gibbs argued. "It _is_ a tad standoffish, when your 'heading' is setting them to various tasks about the ship."

"Oh?" Jack intoned, pocketing the compass and looking his first mate in the eyes. "And what could be more fun than going down to count supplies and getting lost over merriment in the rum quarters?"

"Well, perhaps feeling the weight of ill begotten riches in the palms our hands?" Gibbs suggested, taking a swig from his flask.

"Oh, I have something much better in mind," Jack stated mysteriously, staring off at the darkened horizon.

"Captain?" Gibbs inquired with the word.

"So how are those new men of ours doing?" Jack questioned loudly, changing the subject. "Quite the shame Annamaria left with their coming though... I'd rather have a hearty woman than six men handling my ship any day..."

"Well," Gibbs sighed, "we're probably better off without her bad luck."

"Oh... Pish posh," Jack waved. "Name one reason she has bad luck mate."

"Well, aside from the obvious of meeting you in the first place," Gibbs began, earning an inquisitive stare from Jack, "you 'borrowed' her ship 'without permission', promised her another which ended up being destroyed in battle, and gave her the choice of either working with these curious new men of yours or staying at port."

"... I said one," Jack muttered. "And you seemed to bypass my original question with an overdone answer to another."

"Their moral is low and Leech is considering mutiny with the others."

"What over?" Jack questioned innocently and giving Gibbs a look as though insanity had struck the man. "Isn't there enough rum to keep them happy until we hit our heading?"

"Oh, forget the rum, Jack," Gibbs almost scolded, drinking his flask dry. "Listen. Why don't we turn back to Tortuga, and pick up a new crew _there_? Marty and Cotton have proven their worth for having come from that miserably ungoverned sanctuary of an island, surely there are more."

"Nope, run dry," Jack immediately answered. "Actually, since I mentioned it, how IS the rum stock?"

"I don't know, but I'm on my way for another hearty fill," Gibbs stated with a shake of his flask.

"Ah, jolly good!" Jack cheered, and a few moments after saying as much he suddenly yanked the boat to one side.

"Burning souls in heaven!" Gibbs yelled, grabbing the ropes around the main mast to save himself from tumbling. "What's possessed ye!"

"Hm?" Jack toned in question, looking up from his compass.

Gibbs held his stare, and Jack lifted his hand from the wheel to waggle his fingers at his first mate in a manner of saying 'hello'.

"Blimey," Gibbs muttered, heading down the hatch. Being the time of night it was, the rasping snores of crew hands was an expected welcome. The groans and curses of others who were shaken out of slumber however was not. "It's alright gents!" Gibbs reassured, grabbing the dimly lit lamp from the beam it hung from. "That's just the Captain, random as ever!" Doubling back and heading down the next set of stairs he found himself in the rarely maintained bowels of the vessel.

Cranking up the wick of the oil lamp Gibbs lifted it and made his way over to the rum corner.

"Just eight bottles," he counted, grabbing one and prying out the cork. "Jacks going to go through withdraws in a few days now." Tilting the bottle, Gibbs carefully poured the precious liquid into his flask.

The ship lurched again, and Gibbs dropped both the bottle and his flask.

This had him storming onto the deck, and what he saw was a shock.

**(Earlier that night)**

Reiki watched her friend's silvery purple tail swish ahead of her as they approached the inner seems of the backpack they now occupied. They were actually in Hammer Space, but a doorway was a doorway, and this one happened to be a zipper.

"New world!" Hikari called, grabbing the inner seems of the backpack zipper, making ready to tear them open. "Here we come!"

_ZIIIIIIP!_

**BOLOOSH!!!**

"AAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Hikari shrieked, hanging onto the zipper for dear life as the sudden waterfall commenced.

Reiki, flying above, found herself thanking the dragon blood in her for the wings on her back. She grabbed her friend's arm and pulled her out, and they went splashing outside and into the ocean the backpack was floating in.

"I HATE SALT WATER!" Hikari seethed, writhing in the ocean like a fish on land. She suddenly grabbed Reiki and proceeded to try and climb on top of her and out of the wetness.

Reiki held her breath and dunked under.

"You bitch!" Hikari wailed. "ICK!! It got in my mouth!"

"Calm down, there's a boat!" Reiki pointed out once she surfaced, and just like that her companion began swimming with the speed of a dolphin for the anti-salt sanctuary. Grabbing her backpack, Reiki was soon to follow, using her giant dragon tail as a propeller as Hikari just seemed to streamline through the water with her unicorn horn leading the way.

They finally made it to the tempered wooden side of the ship, and heard shouting above.

"I wonder what all the commotion is," Reiki wondered, swimming alongside it as Hikari leaped out of the water repeatedly and tried to insert all ten of her claws into the side of the boat to keep her up and out of the water.

Curiosity getting the best of her, Reiki began to scale the slick side of the ship with ease.

"HEY!!! Get back here and help me!" Hikari shouted, and in the time it took for her to say that Reiki had jumped over the railing.

Reiki enthusiastically pounced onto the deck of the Black Pearl, feeling achieved in her climbing skills, and was as shocked as the suddenly awoken sailors to see the sight before her. She grinned widely at them, eyes narrowing in malice and tail drumming the deck with cat-like excitement.

"Demon!" cried one man.

"WOMAN!!!!" cried the rest, fleeing. Reiki happily gave chase, scrambling across the knobby polished boards of the deck and having to rake it with her nails a few times to get a good grip.

"_What the DEVIL is THAT?!"_ Gibbs thought, keeping low in the entrance to the lower levels of the deck. He glanced up and saw the wheel unmanned, that being the reason behind the second veering of the ship which had the sailors rise in anger from their cots.

Hikari heard faintly over the rush of waves lapping the side of the boat the frantic scrapping of claws and... screaming. "DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE START THIS COMMANDEERING WITHOUT ME!!!"

She leaped one more time out of the water, and succeeded in making ten clawed indents into the ship rather than an addition to the hundreds of claw furrows already running down the side.

"Almost there..." Hikari chanted to herself, using her finger nails and boots to get whatever purchase she could. Her apparent distress at plummeting into the ocean was all too evident thanks to her now wiry tail. If one did not know any better, they would have thought that Reiki had shoved the girl's horn into an electrical outlet.

After climbing for what seemed like ages, Hikari FINALLY reached the top of the boat and began to swing her arms and legs over the side.

Expecting (by all means with the possibility of hormones FINALLY hitting that dragon's head) to see Reiki in the arms of a man, Hikari quickly scanned the deck with a glare to kill. Her features dropped with shock though, as Reiki continued to corral the pirates on board.

"GET IT AWAY!!!" they cried in broken English, Reiki panting happily after them. Hikari would have fallen over laughing, if not for the barest of movements.

A certain hat, found only in one place other than e-bay, ducked behind the stairs and into a door.

"SPARROW!"

"AAAAGH!!! Another one!" one man cried, halting the rest of his herd as the silver dart of a fan girl speared though the vicinity. Reiki, finding it hard to stop, ended up barreling though the stopped pirates like a bowling ball into pins.

"STRIKE!!!!!" Hikari shouted as she flung the doors to the captain's quarters open.

"Woo hoo!!! I knocked them all down!!!" Reiki cheered happily. Surprised that there wasn't a smart ass remark to that statement, she glanced around the deck of the ship, ignoring the moaning and unconscious sailors as they commented on a mutiny not being worth all this in favor of finding her friend. "Hikari?" she questioned.

"I FOUND ME BOUNTY, MATE!!!!" Hikari cried triumphantly, easily slipping into pirate-speech because of their situation. "Look at this marvelous jewel!" the girl exclaimed while brandishing a rather confused and disgruntled Captain Jack Sparrow.

"Treasure?" Jack abruptly asked as his senses focused. "What treasure?"

"You!" Hikari scoffed, then with a smirk added "And ME! I know how to handle my booty Jack, but I think I want it to handle me now..."

"Ah, lass," Jack sighed. "To tell the truth, that's a dangerous game." Hikari's eyes flashed dangerously at that. "See, the problems of letting one's booty handle them, is that for starters it tends to drag them down past the rankings of society and into the alcoholic binging of the merry lost. Secondly, the last time I did that I turned into the living dead in the moonlight..."

"I know," Hikari stated. "I was giving a hint though, savvy?"

"Say what?" Jack asked. Hikari rolled her eyes, grabbed his wrists, and slapped his palms right onto her breasts.

"Oooooooh," the rest of the men on the ship whistled, while Reiki covered her eyes with a wing.

"Ah..." Jack voiced his realization, a tad of admiration in that as his fingers flexed experimentally and his eyes studied her, waiting for a slap. "I see... Yes, I like my booty... Gentlemen! If the boat be rocking, know the ocean is calm!"

And with that, Hikari found herself being hauled off into the captain's chambers.

Suddenly left with the knowledge that some serious mating was about to happen, all the men suddenly looked at the lone female amongst them, who still sat sprawled in the middle of them all, and sensing a certain vibe Reiki lifted her wing to look around.

She hid in the crows nest for the rest of the night.

Such time, however, did not go to waste. In order to block out some rather unneeded noises, Reiki marched around her little bucket forty feet in the air, singing pirate songs and learning to keep a rather good balance on the ship as the crows nest swung at least five times as much as the actual deck below. At times though she went flying out, and had to catch herself with her wings and fly back to the bucket.

"DAMMIT HIKARI!!!" she bellowed for what felt like the fifteenth time in the last three hours. "I told you to LIGHTEN IT UP A BIT!!!!"

There was a sudden shrill laugh of delight, and it had all the sailors huddling outside the door crowd in even closer to the key hole.

"Oh my god," Reiki muttered looking up with a sigh. A seagull was floating peacefully above her, and before it could do anything she'd regret Reiki fried the thing and watched as it landed onto the deck. Hearing the thing land, the sailors looked back, and slowly raised their eyes to see Reiki looking back at them.

A hint of fear entered their eyes, because for the first hour of Hikari's alone time with Sparrow they had been repeatedly knocked off the mast and rope ladders up to the crows nest, and the fire spell she had just used on the bird left many scarred men.

"BOO!" Reiki bellowed at them, wings flung out and eyes glinting in the moon light reflecting off the water. And just like that, the chase was on yet again.

She had to later admit that she may have had a bit too much fun, but it was definitely worth a laugh to watch feared pirates through themselves overboard just to make the fires on their ass go out. Once she got tired of the crew and using her magic, she commandeered a pistol from one of the few remaining and went back to shooting birds.

"There's no more bullets," she sighed and if her intuition was correct then Hikari was only halfway through with the captain. Fiddling with the primitive gun, she twirled it on her finger and from that launched it at the forehead of the last man to attempt climbing back onboard. "Yo ho, yo ho... I pirate's life it is..." And, with the rocking and whispers of the ocean, Reiki put up a barrier and fell asleep.

The next morning brought a foggy day, but a blissfully delighted Hikari

"So," Hikari asked Reiki who was currently in charge of The Black Pearl since its rightful Captain was out of commission. "What will be our first stop?"

This, however, did not procure the results she so desired. In fact, there was nothing in sight to GIVE results...

"Reiki..." Hikari began as calmly as possible. "Where is the crew?"

"Oh," Reiki giggled. "Half of them took all of our spare boat thingies, and the other half are... well..." The rest was better explained with the point of a finger, and Hikari followed it up to the sails.

"... You're having them mend the FUCKING BLACK PEARL?! YOU IMBECILE!!!"

"WHAT!!" Reiki whined, shying away slightly. "It'll look better, I promise!"

"GOD! What do I have to do now! Get a fucking Peter Pan to rip them apart again?!" Hikari thrust two fingers into her mouth and produced an ear-splitting whistle, getting the attentions of everyone over her head. "All RIGHT, you worthless she-males! Get your hides down here and set a course for Tortuga!"

"We can not," one of them replied. "Speed we need."

"... Can anyone translate that?!" Hikari demanded.

"He's saying that the Royal Navy isn't too far behind us," Gibbs supplied, casting a cautious eye to the horizon behind the ship. "We haven't seen them yet. But we know they're out there."

"... U-huh..." Reiki and Hikari toned. "WHAT is the fastest ship in the world right now?

"The Pearl, of course!" Gibbs replied. "But with the way she's been sailing of late, it would be no surprise if we encountered a bit of 'unpleasantries'."

"That's not a word..." Reiki corrected. "It's either 'pleasantries' or nothing."

"Well, it works for me!" Gibbs smiled. "Now, where's the captain?"

"Right here," Hikari informed him, sticking out her chest.

Gibbs laughed a little dryly. "No, lass, where be Jack!"

"Oh! Jack's in recovery!" Hikari giggled. "He can't very well get out of bed at the moment, if you know what I mean."

Gibbs eyes widened for a moment, and then he hustled down the ladder and tried to open the door to the Captain's quarters. "Jack! Wake up, you blimey bastard! We be needing that compass!"

"Oh... A pirate's life for me!" came his muffled voice through the wooden door.

"PRETTY!!!" Reiki suddenly cried, making everyone look behind the ship. The ship of the Royal Navy was close enough to make out the colors of their flag.

"GET YAR ASSES DOWN FROM THERE AND PREPARE THE SHIP!!" Gibbs yelled up to the fools still stitching closed the sails.

"Can't we outrun them?" Reiki asked, Hikari smiling with excitement.

"We be sitting idle lass! And they be sailing like the devil be in their wake!" Gibbs scolded.

"I'll... Take that as a 'no' then?" Reiki asked.

"Well, this isn't exactly a motor boat," Hikari inserted. "It can't just jump to a start and speed off!"

"If only the winds bless OUR sails and take us out of here!" Gibbs stated wistfully, going down to the main deck to order the men.

"Jack just HAS to see this!" Hikari giggled, running down, grabbing the key from her belt, unlocking his door and hurrying in. "Oh Hon-!" she began.

There was a whistle like a jet turbine approaching and a cannon ball came sailing into the back window which made most of one wall of his quarters. She watched as it tore through a massive table and landed in a wall. "YOU FUCKING BASTARDS!!"

"My SHIP!" Jack cried, looking out the VERY open window. "Alright! We have some pirates to kill!"

"I love you," Hikari smiled over his terminology. "Come on, Reiki's wo-manning the ship!"

"... A bloody female running my ship," Jack sighed. "What's this world come to?"

Hikari would have made a reply, as they went up to the wheel, but they were both shocked to see the wheel without a strong guiding arm.

It suddenly turned, and the beam came sweeping the deck for them.

"This'll hurt," Jack stated, and just barely clear of those words the beam slammed into their rib cages and sent them flying overboard.


End file.
